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  • Writer's picturebridget snell

I have stores of number 2 cards

Day +137

Yesterday was the first day of school for both girls. I have posted the obligatory first-day-back pictures. I have [honestly] hearted every single first-day-back post my friends and social media friends have posted. I even went for the "tears or cheers by the bay" first-day-back morning coffee with other Moms.

Also, you may have noticed that outside it feels like the sun is slow-cooking the earth like a pot of veggie broth.

Despite that heat, mixed with the excitement and energy involved in day 1 of 295 of the school year (anyone notice how often I add days together in these posts?), I didn't fall.

I didn't need a nap. I had errands done before morning was done. The laundry was folded (but not put away. I mean, baskets are like drawers, right?) The dishes were cleaned (but not put away. I mean, the dishwasher is like a cabinet, right?). The phone calls were returned. The year's after-school activities were scheduled, registered and in my planner (also, on Alexa, on the fridge, on Post-its, on my husband's calendar, on my kids' white boards, and I told my friends just in case I forgot what I have going on after school during the week).

This is pretty incredible. This must be what not having cog fog is like? 

I ask because I don't remember.

I know my posts have been mostly shining a light on the positives of post-transplant life. I don't talk a lot about pre-transplant MS because, well, if I do remember it, it's really not great conversation fodder. But I will tell you that finding some clarity in my thinking has been a top shelf prayer for me. 

Days like the first day of school are becoming more frequent, but they aren't consistent, unfortunately. 

I had coffee with a friend recently and blacked out on an entire part of a conversation. I don't know if the look on my face matched the total confusion in my head, but as my friend repeated the bits I needed to restore, I felt my heart break apart in defeat. I was handed a Sorry!™ card and sent back to the home zone. 

As we MS warriors do, I gave myself the proportionately allotted time to sulk, then grabbed a number 2 card from the pile and got out of the zone. 

In the meantime, nearly 5 months post transplant and my other symptoms have been few and far between. Despite not being able to drink alcohol, there have been a handful of days when I walk like I have had quite a few glasses of wine and talk like I had a few after that. Loss of balance and slurred speech really come out when I get fatigued. 

I don't mean to brag, but when I get fatigued, it's epic.

All kidding aside, there's no unit of measurement, no witty analogy for this. MS fatigue, chemo fatigue, transplant fatigue. Fatigue like this is NOT the same thing as tiredness. But, I'll talk about that another day.

For now, school bus is about to drop #2 off and we're headed out to karate. I think today is karate. Let me ask Alexa and check all my calendars. 

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